CLOUDS

My name is written in the clouds

my fate is written there too,

I see it slip through my fingers

each time

to move the other way

to a destiny of its own

leaving me the bitter task

of severing the bonds

that held us together

while I shield my fragile spirit

and drift along

seeking, seeking....

and yet knowing for certain

deep within me

that somewhere

a mountain awaits

my arrival

to nestle me in its arms

Forever.

NOT YOU, NOT YOU, NOT YOU

who came in my dreams last night?

not you, not you, not you

it wasn't someone who loved me just because i was good

it was someone who took the bad

it wasn't someone who didn't love me because i was dark

it was someone who called me chocolate

it wasn't someone who thought i was brilliant

it was someone with whom i could share my stupidest thoughts, biggest fears and craziest doubts

it wasn't someone whose love yo-yoed with my weight loss and gain

it was someone who wondered why it was such a big deal - i was beautiful to him anyways..

it wasn't someone who wanted me to make him coffee

it was someone who could do that on his own while making me some too

it wasn't someone who checked my emails and wondered who i spoke to

it was someone who had his own space and respected mine

it wasn't someone who flirted every time he talked to a girl

it was someone who i could introduce to the most beautiful woman and still know for sure he loved me

it wasn't someone who wrote out my day and script for me

it was someone who let me fly but was there to catch me if i fell...

so who came in my dreams last night?

not you, not you, not you

LOST IN THE DESERT

The python slithered
Down a rock
The sky was clear
The stars and Moon too big

I draw my blanket closer
And try to accept
That I had lost my way
- Again!

The desert stretches
Neverendingly.
Water is sparse
The Sun beats down incessantly
And I have lost the will to fight.

My mirage-chasing mind
Is finally at rest.

Running my fingers
Lightly over cactus thorns
I think
I shall live
Despite....

I DON'T KNOW WHAT BEFELL ME

i dont know what befell me

my hand slipped on the rungs

one, then two

i dont know what befell me

i had counted wrong

one, then two

i dont know what befell me

i had crossed the lines

one, then two

i dont know what befell me

i lost my rights

one, then two

i dont know what befell me

i broke my wings

one, then two

i dont know what befell me

i lost my soul

one...just one.

WHAT WRITING IS LIKE

Writing is like

There’s no Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday

It's like there's no 1 o’ clock, 2 o’ clock, 3 o’ clock, 4 o’ clock....12 o’ clock.

There's no morning, mid-morning, mid-afternoon, evening...

There's no from 1 pm to 6 pm

‘cause that's the time your brain won't work.

There's no “I can beat this, I can do it,

nothing is impossible”

‘cause writing will go “haaa! haaa! haaaa!!”

as you stare blankly into space.

Writing is like “don't have pets;

You never know when you'll have to walk out on them.”

Writing is like “Don't be regular dude;

if you're gonna do a program every Sunday,

that’s when you're gonna be wanting to write.”

Writing can be so many cups of coffee?

Writing is like your live-in partner who can ditch you anytime but also your One True Love.

Writing is like count backwards up to 5 and you'll get going

so here goes: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, zzzzzzzz....

G’night!

DEAR FRIEND

Dear Friend,

You're rather quiet today. 

Is it that you don't know what to say

because I screamed when you spoke?

Did I shut you up for good

or will you find your way through 

into the Sunshine once again?

And when you do that 

will it be with me by your side 

or will you move to another tunnel, 

in an opposite direction?

Maybe the Sunshine will be yours, 

maybe you'll smile again, 

maybe there will be others who see your viewpoint 

and don't scream like a flurried hen. 

But i wonder

if you will turn around

even just for a moment 

wondering at a flitting shadow...?

YOU AM I

I lean against the wall outside - 

an insignificant presence in the shadows

they'd like to ignore

as they strut importantly

down Corridors of Righteousness.

I run excitedly to greet, but

shrink from Cold Eyes.

"We know!" they say

"We belong!"

"We're the Righteous, the Chosen, the Divine

the Sacred, the Pious, the Good, the Belonging!"

they proclaim.

I withdraw to my vigil

outside the gate -

lounging in the shadows

against the wall

as they are anointed

and healed.

Prayers of Thankfulness on their lips now

Celebrations in their smiles

as they compare Badges of Belonging

throwing smiles of triumph and disdain

at me

and yet - 

somehow fearful...

They are gone -

Celebrations now

memories in the wind

autumn leaves falling...

I look up and smile

at you, smiling back

at me.

your one thought -

my one thought -

Never Goodbye.